Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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