i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I lost the right to judge tonight
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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