don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
