I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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