I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
