don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
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I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
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I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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