Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
