If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
