i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
