We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
