I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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