I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
