Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.