Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is Oprah even human
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.