You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
That's what I'm talking about
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes