fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents