i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.