Texts From Last Night

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  (907): View more from Alaska

  is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?

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  (907): is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk? http://tfl.nu/2ehj
  Replies (26) Good night (7263) Bad night (975)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome

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  (419): apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome http://tfl.nu/v148
  Replies (15) Good night (3958) Bad night (1718)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.

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  (501): Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog. http://tfl.nu/8mg1
  Replies (18) Good night (10462) Bad night (2074)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.

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  (724): i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver. http://tfl.nu/mj0i
  Replies (8) Good night (2338) Bad night (1808)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.

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  (248): He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history. http://tfl.nu/5nwi
  Replies (4) Good night (2733) Bad night (883)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.

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  (859): I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana. http://tfl.nu/vvio
  Replies (43) Good night (1314) Bad night (3504)
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  (529): View more from

  Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.

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  (529): Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble. http://tfl.nu/he57
  Replies (10) Good night (697) Bad night (1631)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death

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  (262): You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death http://tfl.nu/q3md
  Replies (4) Good night (1095) Bad night (782)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.

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  (757): I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration. http://tfl.nu/xlpu
  Replies (5) Good night (1322) Bad night (561)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.

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  (734): Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely. http://tfl.nu/t2kt
  Replies (10) Good night (1447) Bad night (767)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador

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  (907): Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador http://tfl.nu/015q
  Replies (4) Good night (1225) Bad night (401)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war

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  (403): I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war http://tfl.nu/prlf
  Replies (2) Good night (370) Bad night (648)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks

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  (804): She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks http://tfl.nu/ro6s
  Replies (3) Good night (923) Bad night (236)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.

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  (541): I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute. http://tfl.nu/w9s1
  Replies (1) Good night (705) Bad night (267)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.

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  (314): I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up. http://tfl.nu/eojw
  Replies (1) Good night (428) Bad night (224)

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