I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy