A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.