we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
