hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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