I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
