it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
