Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
