We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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