your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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