The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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