I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Randomize
