I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
