So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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