You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
