Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
