There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
