Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Plan B is the new Plan A
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
