if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
