just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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