I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
