apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
