You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
