Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
