My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
