You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You pole danced in your parka.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Pants are for mortals
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
