um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
