Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
