Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
