i would punch a child for taco bell
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Never underestimate the power of titties
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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