I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
