Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
