I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
