whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
