He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I forget how to act sober
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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