I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
