i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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