yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
