I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
