I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
