im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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