i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
