Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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