You really coming over, don't trick.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
