The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
