Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
