This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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