I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
