it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Randomize
