dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
