Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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