Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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