Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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