I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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