i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
