I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
