I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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