I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize