Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
