The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
