went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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