Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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