i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
