So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
