Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
