Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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