I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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