at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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