Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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